Postive Shift
Awhile back I discovered a website. I was looking at different places on the Internet for information on kids/babies/pregnancy and I discovered this one blog about the realities of being a wife and mother. It's called Scary Mommy. At first, I was so happy to find a place where you didn't have to be perfect to feel accepted. I was getting so discouraged with the fake perfect pintresting mommies who I had nothing in common with and it was a relief to find that I was not alone. This blog had a section in it called Confessions. Here was a place to admit all your shortcomings as a mom with complete anonymity and freedom. A place to admit that sometimes you let your kid watch too much TV, or didn't serve them veggies or even let them eat cake for supper.
At first, it was great. I liked it in the same way I like Hoarders...it makes me feel like I am not the worst person and maybe my level of "fail" isn't as bad as I think. Then something interesting happened. I started to think in the way of Confessions. Now I've done this before which is why I shouldn't be shocked that I did it again. I've walked around my house thinking of Status Updates that would be good for Facebook. I've mentally written a hundred blog posts before reaching a computer. Now here I am thinking of things to confess about my children, my family, my friends. And of course, they're never good. I started focusing on everything bad, wrong, unfair and just plain negative in my life. I realized this was taking a toll after I was talking to someone about Abby and the new baby. I realized that I was only talking about the bad things, her misbehaviour, her talking-back and general not-listening. I failed to mention how loving she is towards Isabelle. How she loves holding her and comforting her. How concerned she is whenever she cries. How much she helps during the day. How easy she smiles and her amazing storytelling's. How she pats your head or rubs your cheeks and tells Isabelle, "I love you little baby. I'll always be with you." I have missed all this because I have only been looking at the bad. This turned into greater frustration (for both of us) and more time-out and yelling which created more frustration which led to more and more timeouts. Things weren't looking good. So I decided one night (after a long day) that I was going to focus on the positive. All the things she did well. All the good moments. I deleted Scary Mommy from my bookmarks and played with Abby. We coloured, read stories and played Hide and Seek (a new favourite). And you know what...no time outs all day. She was a pleasure to spend the day with.
There was an Early Childhood Fair going on at a school nearby that all children turning 4 this year were invited to attend. There were booths set up all around the gym by different groups (pre-schools, Health Region, Music for Young Children, Library etc.) where kids would go and do an activity or craft and get a prize. I was debating whether or not I should take Abby since I didn't really trust her behaviour outside of the house. But I decided to take her anyway. And you know what...she acted like a typical 3 year old. Energetic, excited, willing to learn, and all around happy. Sure, she climbed on the gym mats when she wasn't supposed to but so did lots of kids. And she got down when I told her to. Yeah, she ran around the gym and played with her balloon but she also sat quietly and listened to the person giving her instructions and followed them. I've always said Abby is the single greatest source of joy and frustration in my life. But now I'm starting to think the frustration has more to do with myself and the unrealistic expectations I have. Hopefully this starts a new chapter, a happier chapter and a whole lot less Scary Mommy chapter.
P.S. However, Mark came out looking like a king compared to the other women's husbands. But then again, I already knew that!
Abby decided that Isabelle needed some toys and a story...
At first, it was great. I liked it in the same way I like Hoarders...it makes me feel like I am not the worst person and maybe my level of "fail" isn't as bad as I think. Then something interesting happened. I started to think in the way of Confessions. Now I've done this before which is why I shouldn't be shocked that I did it again. I've walked around my house thinking of Status Updates that would be good for Facebook. I've mentally written a hundred blog posts before reaching a computer. Now here I am thinking of things to confess about my children, my family, my friends. And of course, they're never good. I started focusing on everything bad, wrong, unfair and just plain negative in my life. I realized this was taking a toll after I was talking to someone about Abby and the new baby. I realized that I was only talking about the bad things, her misbehaviour, her talking-back and general not-listening. I failed to mention how loving she is towards Isabelle. How she loves holding her and comforting her. How concerned she is whenever she cries. How much she helps during the day. How easy she smiles and her amazing storytelling's. How she pats your head or rubs your cheeks and tells Isabelle, "I love you little baby. I'll always be with you." I have missed all this because I have only been looking at the bad. This turned into greater frustration (for both of us) and more time-out and yelling which created more frustration which led to more and more timeouts. Things weren't looking good. So I decided one night (after a long day) that I was going to focus on the positive. All the things she did well. All the good moments. I deleted Scary Mommy from my bookmarks and played with Abby. We coloured, read stories and played Hide and Seek (a new favourite). And you know what...no time outs all day. She was a pleasure to spend the day with.
There was an Early Childhood Fair going on at a school nearby that all children turning 4 this year were invited to attend. There were booths set up all around the gym by different groups (pre-schools, Health Region, Music for Young Children, Library etc.) where kids would go and do an activity or craft and get a prize. I was debating whether or not I should take Abby since I didn't really trust her behaviour outside of the house. But I decided to take her anyway. And you know what...she acted like a typical 3 year old. Energetic, excited, willing to learn, and all around happy. Sure, she climbed on the gym mats when she wasn't supposed to but so did lots of kids. And she got down when I told her to. Yeah, she ran around the gym and played with her balloon but she also sat quietly and listened to the person giving her instructions and followed them. I've always said Abby is the single greatest source of joy and frustration in my life. But now I'm starting to think the frustration has more to do with myself and the unrealistic expectations I have. Hopefully this starts a new chapter, a happier chapter and a whole lot less Scary Mommy chapter.
P.S. However, Mark came out looking like a king compared to the other women's husbands. But then again, I already knew that!
Abby decided that Isabelle needed some toys and a story...
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