You Are Not My Mother - except you Mom
I had a friend in high school who was so concerned about how I needed a summer job between Grade 11 and 12. I remember walking in on a conversation where I heard her say, "I just don't want to see her waste her summer." I was so mad! Who did she think she was? My mother? And besides, if I wanted to waste my summer that was my decision.
That's how I been feeling whenever I tell people I don't know if I'm going to have any more kids. They get this horrified look on their face like I'm a terrible person. Then come all the reasons I have to have at least one more...it will be easier with another, you'll end up spoiling Abby, Abby NEEDS a sibling (I don't necessarily disagree with this, I love my sister and can't imagine not having someone like her) But is it reason enough to have a baby if I don't really want one? I remember that ache, that physical need for a child and I just don't have that. The fact is, I like my family the way it is. And maybe one day, I will get that feeling. But if I do decide I want another child it will be because I want another child, not because someone is telling me that I must!
Ahh! Gotta go, Abby just bit the tip off the purple marker.
That's how I been feeling whenever I tell people I don't know if I'm going to have any more kids. They get this horrified look on their face like I'm a terrible person. Then come all the reasons I have to have at least one more...it will be easier with another, you'll end up spoiling Abby, Abby NEEDS a sibling (I don't necessarily disagree with this, I love my sister and can't imagine not having someone like her) But is it reason enough to have a baby if I don't really want one? I remember that ache, that physical need for a child and I just don't have that. The fact is, I like my family the way it is. And maybe one day, I will get that feeling. But if I do decide I want another child it will be because I want another child, not because someone is telling me that I must!
Ahh! Gotta go, Abby just bit the tip off the purple marker.
Comments
The thing about people like that (and I know EXACTLY who and what you've experienced!) is that they are just "trying to be helpful" or "can't imagine life any other way" or whatever else gab of belief they come from, BUT... they are so zoned in on their track of life or their worlds that they don't either a) realize the faces they are making and the language their bodies are giving off or b) don't care, and are being just demeaning or judging. It is SOO aggravating!! Especially when we are just trying to give everyone their own spacious benefit of the doubt!
As for to have more kids or not to have more kids--only YOU AND MARK KNOW!! Who ARE these people to tell you, suggest to you, look at you, or treat you with haughtiness about a decision that only you and Mark can make? Who are these people to direct any kind of predetermined judgment toward you when all practical, reasonable, compassionate human beings understand and respect that boundary?
At the end of the day, it is YOURS and MARK'S decision; and at the end of the day, your comfort is his comfort, and together you guys map out and decide what YOU want based on the beliefs YOU two hold near to your hearts. NOT people who are infringing on your boundaries by means of their insecurities or control freakness. If Abby is your only child, then Abby is your only child. Only YOU guys will know what's right for you and only YOU guys know what's right for Abby.
Ooooh, grrr. This gets me right worked up because I've been down that path with "they eyes" and the body language and the looks. Hang in there, girl!!
http://www.todaysparent.com/lifeasparent/parenting/article.jsp?content=20100218_114356_11000&page=1
http://www.todaysparent.com/lifeasparent/parenting/article.jsp?content=20100218_114941_8416&page=1
Thought you might be interested, but do remember, you are the one who has to carry and raise any children you decide to have, so it is absolutely your decision. I've just started ignoring people who tell me that I need to have a third.