Control Alt Delete
I was watching one of Abby's shows today when one of the characters was climbing a ladder and he leaned back to reach for an apple. I had to stop myself from yelling out, "Be careful. You're going to fall!" That's when it hit me. I think I may have a control issue. I've always been a bit uptight. I prefer the term "organized" while Mark likes to call it "obsessed." I've never really considered it a bad thing. Quite the opposite. Because of my organizational skills, we are never late, we always remember what we need to do or get accomplished in a day and my work is usually neat and organized. But lately it's getting a little out of control (how ironic).
I've watched enough Hoarders and Dr. Phil to know that quite often when people feel anxious or uncertain, they try to control everything they can to compensate for the things they can't control. That, and the fact that I don't want my child running around unsupervised has culminated in me becoming somewhat of a helicopter mom.
I think this all started when I was pregnant. It was a time of big uncertainties. How do I take care of two children? Can I handle another newborn and all the stresses that go with that? What's my Mat Leave year going to look like? Lots of questions and few answers. And luckily Isabelle turned out to be an easy baby - still doesn't sleep through the night but nobody's perfect. I still have a lot of questions and a lot of doubt. Mark will tell me I'm a good mom but I have trouble believing it. I yell too much, I let them watch too much TV, I don't play with them enough, my four year old can't sit still and pay attention. But they love me. Abby tells me that every day. And we do have good times. When we play outside or when we snuggle in the big chair. When she goes to bed at night and we talk about how tomorrow will be a better day.
So now that I know I have to let go of some control, what am I going to do? It's hard to change something so fundamental about your personality. So I'm just going to start with baby steps. I'll let Abby do up her own coat, put in her own snow pants and if she isn't making her snow cave "right" but she's having fun anyway, then I'll call it a win. And when the time comes when Isabelle starts sleeping through the night, I'll have a bit more energy to really be the good mom that I know I can be.
I've watched enough Hoarders and Dr. Phil to know that quite often when people feel anxious or uncertain, they try to control everything they can to compensate for the things they can't control. That, and the fact that I don't want my child running around unsupervised has culminated in me becoming somewhat of a helicopter mom.
I think this all started when I was pregnant. It was a time of big uncertainties. How do I take care of two children? Can I handle another newborn and all the stresses that go with that? What's my Mat Leave year going to look like? Lots of questions and few answers. And luckily Isabelle turned out to be an easy baby - still doesn't sleep through the night but nobody's perfect. I still have a lot of questions and a lot of doubt. Mark will tell me I'm a good mom but I have trouble believing it. I yell too much, I let them watch too much TV, I don't play with them enough, my four year old can't sit still and pay attention. But they love me. Abby tells me that every day. And we do have good times. When we play outside or when we snuggle in the big chair. When she goes to bed at night and we talk about how tomorrow will be a better day.
So now that I know I have to let go of some control, what am I going to do? It's hard to change something so fundamental about your personality. So I'm just going to start with baby steps. I'll let Abby do up her own coat, put in her own snow pants and if she isn't making her snow cave "right" but she's having fun anyway, then I'll call it a win. And when the time comes when Isabelle starts sleeping through the night, I'll have a bit more energy to really be the good mom that I know I can be.
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