A Lot on my Mind
I've been thinking a lot about going back to work. Mark is almost done another year and is getting excited about his summer vacation. I am nearing the end of my maternity leave and starting to think about returning to work. Yesterday I had a mini breakdown. I was sitting on the couch watching Abby playing and laughing. She'd pick up a ball, laugh at it then look at me and giggle. The end of my maternity leave is fast approaching and I started to doubt if I want it to end at all. When I was pregnant, I had a list of things I was afraid of. Most of them were if I would be able to manage the pain, if I'd drop the baby etc, but I was also afraid that I wouldn't want to go back to work, or that I would really, really want to go back to work. I think I'm in the middle. I don't think it will as bad as I'm picturing it. I only work part time so I'll have lots of days with her. I just don't ever want to be apart from her.
I've never considered celebrities to be role models for me. I get that kids look up to them but I never have. My role models are members of my family and friends. But lately, I've been watching a lot of Jon & Kate Plus 8. It's interesting to see a couple go through such a hard time. I've never seen parents go through this. I never saw my parents fight. Oh, they argued every once and awhile but I can count on one hand the times I saw them really argue. I was so hoping that Jon and Kate would announce that they were taking counseling or decided to work on their marriage. I'm not judging, really. I can't imagine the stress of raising 8 children and the pressures from the show. And I can tell that they did not come to this decision lightly, but ... I guess I just hope that when Mark and I hit rough times (and I'm sure we will) that we'll be able to push through and come out of it still together (and hopefully stronger for it). I have to say, watching that show has opened my eyes to my own marriage. They kept saying they would do anything for their children and that they stayed civil to each other because of their children. That made me wonder what I would be prepared to do for my child. Would I stick through a hard time in my marriage for her? Would I put her happiness and peace of mind ahead of mine? It's so easy to say that divorce is not an option. It's another story when you're in it.
Please don't misunderstand, Mark and I are not going through anything. It's just that the show has got me thinking. And really, I think we should all be prepared for the hard times. That way we can relax during the good times. After all, isn't that why we have life insurance and write wills?
Comments
It got me to thinking about marriage..if I ever will get married and how scarry is marriage...having that committment, of forever and how scarry the bleeding would be if you do give up or have to give up...crazy scarry for me!!!
the reason your post was funny is because i have been watching that show and having a lot of the same thoughts..and I am not even married, nor am i close to being married..but it is a scarry thing or seems like a scarry thing to me, because I think of it as forever.
Not that I will ever look at my mom and say that should have been forever I was so happy when that forever ended..and am proud of her for ending it..I think there is a place for divorce...but like the pastor said the separating of those fingers or hands is equal to bleeding..even though we were so happy for it to be over..there was still a lot of bleeding in our house hold over it.
And I think I have rambled enough!! But I also can't imagine what you are going through looking at going back to work! You will still have lots of time with her and I know that both you strong women will do fine! i will be praying for you!!
And I hope to see you when you come through..if not I will take a weekend to invade your space closer to the end of the summer if that is alright with you..or I may do that even if I do see you guys when you are here!