Daily Dose of Mommy Guilt

So after all my complaining about her lack of sleep, she goes from midnight to 7am without waking up.

I made the mistake of reading that book again. This time is about what to do when the baby cries at night. I thought it would be a good chapter and give me some good advice and insight to what I can do to soothe her so I can get a good night's sleep. I should have known. The book talks about when you are holding the baby, it goes to sleep but as soon as you put it down, it wails. The book's solution?

"So, if your infant stops his crying when you pick him up and hold him, just keep on holding him and be happy that you are there to satisfy this important emotional need." Great. So tonight when I put her to bed, I'll rock in the rocking chair for 8 hours with her. Yeah, that will work nicely. I'll go insane but my child be will well adjusted and emotionally well. The next quote again shows just how much fun night time can be with a newborn.

"When will he sleep through the night? Probably the reason this question ever became so important is because of the inconvenience of nighttime bottle-feeding-getting up with the baby into what may be a chilly house, waiting while the bottle warms, fighting sleep and being fearful that the baby or bottle may be dropped. As a nursing mother, you are spared such inconvenience, so when you hear that a neighbour's baby sleep through the night and yours doesn't, ask yourself, 'Is it really that important?'"

Am I really that selfish because I want some sleep? Yeesh.

So I got groceries this morning. It was wonderful. There was a warehouse sale at Co-op so I went right when it opened. There were no crowds, no people and it was wonderful to be by myself. Is it bad that I wanted to be alone? I haven't been by myself for 3 weeks. There is a song on my CD that I listen to in the car that when I was pregnant, she used to always kick me when I sang along. Well, this morning it came on and I found myself waiting for the kicks. It seems weird to know that she'll never kick me(from the inside) anymore.

People keep telling me that my life has changed and it will never be the same again. However, I don't know if I really feel that way. I mean, yes it does take longer than before to get out the door and I never had to feed a crying baby at four in the morning and right now I'm typing with only my left hand, but I really don't feel like my life has changed so dramatically. Her arrival seems normal, and right. I like our little family. Maybe I was excepting too much of a dramatic shift. I just wish people would stop telling me how different my life is now, because you never really knew it in the first place.

I think I'm going to throw that book away and stop listening to people and enjoy my daughter.